Bunny Wailer: Blackheart man, soul rebel, ruler of dancehall, legend. Plus Garbage - the band, not the stuff out behind your house - pink hair, people looking old before their time, Madonna, orthopedic shoes and K-Mart t-shirts, The Wailers, avoiding night flights, Madison Square Garden, electronic reggae, that rapper that Prince used, the Electric Slide, obscure Japanese dub stores, David Bowie, Prince, Jehovah, leaves turning brown, trillions of photographs, tidal waves, Instagram, Bob Dylan and King Crimson, the Hollywood Bowl, cheese, listening to music outdoors, velodromes, Hillary Clinton's nomination acceptance speech and the Great Wall of Trump.
I know it's not time for the monthly episode yet, but I just wanted to pop in, say hi, and talk about white people and black people in America. Just a little light hearted chit chat about race. Don't be scared. We're all friends here.
It's hot outside - here in the northern hemisphere, anyway - so let's talk about the San Gabriel mountains, the Sahara desert, soldering, female foxes, marketing things to women, painting guitars pink, Elektra Records, Jac Holzman, accidental business, jug bands, the Stooges, odd pieces of art, West Hollywood, isolation and a short story called, "Good evening St. Louis!"
You have to wonder about things like guns, and June Gloom, the LGBLT community, preaching love, calling things "the worst in U.S. history," Wounded Knee, your high school history book, wars, genocide, subjugation, cupcakes, immigrants and queers, throwing rocks at politicians, gun control, unemployment checks, Kickstarter, the emperor's new clothes, swimming upstream, fluffing up your eggs, the NRA, Jesus Christ himself, your fellow citizens, Mexican hats, rumpus rooms, 7-11, Wyatt Earp, Vivienne Westwood boots, cops, taking care of each other and Phil Hendrie.
Here we go with the three day weekend, vacation, the near-impossibility of relaxation, Richard Nixon, gadgets, machines and thing-a-ma-bobs, fainting couches, VARIDESK, regular desks, making things disappear, harboring a grudge, robots, brain surgeons and grocery baggers, lanyards, key cards, backstage passes, Royal Crown Cola, spaghetti, the Clash, broom closets, elaborate props, the Rolling Stones, Donald Trump, George Orwell, El Nino, body oil, incense and environmental records. Check.
I'm going to talk about my job for a minute, just because, but we'll also talk about landlords, moving, the Mars rover, rejuvenating a 13 year old website, repetition and tedium, baby seals, crafting a lovely box, Cinderella, feeling ridiculous, magical thinking, talking goats, unicorns, the NATIONAL ENQUIRER, TMZ, rat kings, big-gulps, incubators, Paisley Park, dignity, paparazzi, Howard Stern and Stuttering John, being thrown out of a club for being too drunk, Entertainment Tonight, hyperbaric chambers, podiatrists, poison toads, the de-elevator, cockfighting, synapses and Japanese fish. Among other things.
Was Prince a genius? Hmm, good question. Let's talk about having 50 albums worth of unreleased music in "the vault," and some of the crazy, before-its-time shit he did when he was alive. Giants walk among us. Or at least they used to. You might also hear me say words about things like the Ostrich Pillow®, having electricity in your house, classical composers, how signing a 100 million dollar recording contract can turn out to be the worst thing that ever happened to you, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, Madonna, suing your own fans, getting into the soup, love, jackrabbits, rattlesnakes and Aqualung. And remember: if you don't own your masters, your masters own you.
Let me tell you about bumping in to Prince on a Minneapolis street corner, but first we'll probably talk about, oh, I don't know, hair removal, P.J. Harvey, record reviews, taking a writer's word for something, Rock Steady, big mailboxes, Siskel and Ebert and where their thumbs have been, the Christgau Consumer Guide, artistic merit, Kansas vs. MC5, Brian Eno, a bunch of made-up metal band names and a little personal remembrance of Prince. Sometimes it snows in April, yo.
Maybe "hate" is too strong a word, but we'll also go to Space Mountain, talk about wasting time, the smart way to do things, Richie Havens, literary magazines, how long "forever" is on the Internet, the answer to some people's dreams, your AOL connection, The Knucklehead Chronicle, baby frogs, an uncaring universe, taking the small press world mainstream, playing "Stairway to Heaven" in 2016, the wisdom of the ages, cutting off your own head, ducks, rhyming children's poems, academic poets, forks, Paris, Prague, Istanbul, Kansas and Vienna, Bukowski, Bukowski, Bukowski, the yout' dem, butterflies, your mother, hunchbacks (not saying your mother is a hunchback, but...), bullshit detectors and puppets.
When you listen to THIS IS NOT A TEST you are not "consuming content," 40 year old pictures, satin bell bottoms, Bob Ezrin, record stores, the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd, Pet Sounds, insufferable twats, music floating on the breeze, ticket scalpers, being easily entertained, cardboard boxes full of cassette tapes, Wham!, technology, a girl named Pearl, being an idiot, plastic spoons, what to bring when you visit my house, political discourse, fragging, the occupy movement, chalking one up to millennial genius, pre-moistened anti-irritant towelettes, flesh hooks, the cat in the shark costume riding the robot vacuum, Fort Knox, puppets and lemonade.